Thursday, March 6, 2008

25years old... a new beginning?

Hurm... I'm 25 years and 5days old now and the title above doesn't mean anything to me. y? i dunno.. i'm still the same, still working at d same place, not married, still doing d same stuff..overall, no new beginning... sumer bende same jer..

So it was my birthday on the 1st of this month, and it's a booorinnnngg one. maybe because's i'm too old to celebrate my bday? or maybe i had high expectations? i really can't answer dat question. But somehow ade la terasa kecik hati sket. cos every year mesti ade something like family dinner,or etc. dis year i got 2cards from mom n dad. dad gave me rm100..which can cover my tolls n fuel allowances for like, a week and a half. i treated myself with a dinner (chilli's tue) n movie (jumper - i want be like one!) the night before.but that doesn't count! Lain la if org lain yg blanje kan. Others, i received sms wishes from siblings n frens..which became lesser compared to past years...

(cough*) From my bf? it's so surprising..u won't believe what i got from him.....! I'm not complaining and not saying that i don't appreciate it..i really2 appreciate it,but it was d least i expected it to be. As a couple, for should know what your partner likes and dislikes rite? and most important, as a guy..u MUST know what to get a girl for her bday present. paling kurang pun a nice card, or small teddy, keychain, a poem,a song, or even street cat pun okay.. But what i got is.... a lamp. yes, a LAMP. it's like a sarawakian antique lamp. It's nice but there's no bulb, and d shade is too small and kept on falling from its place. i asked him why he bought me this, he said, "bukan present is something yg useful ker?". my answer - a short silence with a little smirk. Okaaaayyy.. but don't you think it's sooo x sesuai with the bday theme?

somehow, i felt sad and terasa..i dunno y? (u can't control ur feelings okay) i terasa sgt2 cos is this how u think im worth of? dont i deserve something special? (for my bday for God's sake!) not materialwise okay...there's so much options to give n u give me this? am i a friend or your gf? So what do you think? Am i being ungrateful? i dont think so. I'm just dissapointed, i cant take away this feeling. all this time i've been showering him with gifts (bukan nk ungkit,but it's a fact). Or maybe, he just nak balas dendam from his bday present last year? i gave him a controlled emoticon display thingy, which is very2 cool if you put it in your car, or anywhere else la. Guys supposed to like techie n gadget stuffs right.. and it's new (and layak to be called a 'gift'). even i myself like to have one,but it's expensive...cant afford to buy for myself..what i mean is, i dunwan him to give me expensive stuffs...

i juz want him to know wat i am to him..what im worth to him, juz want him to gv smthing more meaningful n suitable for bday..instead of buying a lamp, u can juz buy a pillow or write a song,or anything.. hmmm... arrgh i'm being stressed out for one small matter. but, i cant help this feeling of frustrated n dissapointed.. help me~ :(

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